Senses Fail’s new album ‘If There Is Light, It Will Find You’ is a bit of a dark one, but it’s filled with hope, too. Frontman Buddy Nielsen tells us five things that were on his mind during the record’s creation.
1. MY WIFE HAS MS. She was diagnosed three years ago in the beginning of 2013. At first, it was really hard to wrap our heads around the disease and what it meant, but over time it has come to be manageable. Having a disease like MS makes life more difficult but not impossible. We are lucky that the symptoms are mild and haven’t progressed very far.
2. EVERY RECORD WE DO FEELS LIKE IT COULD BE OUR LAST. I have never been able to become comfortable that this life as a musician will be concrete. For better or for worse I go into each record thinking it will be my last chance to make music. I was always told that this career would be short-lived and fleeting, but here we are 16 years in. You would think I would have some faith that it will keep going, but it is hard for me to believe in anything other than living in the moment with this band.
3. MY WIFE HAD A MISCARRIAGE. Initially, I wasn’t very upset by it, because it is a natural process that happens very often and was pretty early on in the pregnancy. However, once the smoke cleared, I was pretty devastated. You build up this excitement and connection with something and someone you have never met and then it is gone. I’m sure that it is nowhere near as hard as losing a child whom you’ve bonded with but to some extent, I feel like a part of me died. That was a very real and hard concept to come to terms with. It did confirm my desire and want to have children. Before I had, of course, wanted a child but you don’t realize how much you want that connection until you have it and lose it.
4. THE CLOSER I GET TO PEOPLE THE MORE AFRAID OF MY MORTALITY I BECOME. It sounds paradoxical, and to some extent, it is but as I develop strong relationships with people I question my own mortality and how long I will be here. I suffer from PTSD, so I am very aware of loss and connection and the balance that they play in my life. My greatest want and need is to be connected, and at the same time, it is my biggest fear. Over the years I have gone from an isolated, angry person into a connected, healthy individual and gone from wanting to die to not wanting to die and be separated from my loved ones and my wonderful life. The fear of losing is always present when we feel connected, but I am starting to see that love of connection can and while overshadow and block out that fear.
5. HOT DOGS ARE NOT SANDWICHES. There is no way for a hot dog to be a sandwich because there is no way for a sandwich to be a hot dog. Until there is empirical evidence that sandwiches can become hot dogs, there is no way for a hot dog to be considered in the sandwich family. Bread doesn’t make a sandwich a sandwich, the content and condiments do. You cannot put lettuce on a hot dog, therefore making a hot dog not a candidate for sandwich inclusivity.
Senses Fail’s album ‘If There Is Light, It Will Find You’ is out now. Taken from the March issue of Upset – order your copy below.