Dream State vocalist CJ Gilpin talks us through the band’s intensely personal new EP ‘Recovery’, track by track.
White Lies
‘White Lies’ is about surrendering to the fact you are an addict, becoming self-aware but struggling to let go of the attachment that you have created with this substance. The song was like a cry for help and the need to confess the feelings to loved ones because you know it was going to swallow you up whole if you didn’t. It felt like I was losing my mind half the time and I was stuck between wanting to give up and in denial about my issues.
In This Hell
When you’ve used a substance as a crutch for so long, and you leave that crutch behind and go it alone, there are some obstacles you have to face along the way. ‘In This Hell’ is about facing your feelings for the first time and addressing them and that isn’t easy for anyone who has spent years being a certain way. I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety, I experienced a lot of fear and questioned life a lot, hence the lyric “Is it all for nothing?” I had sleepless nights filled with loud voices, and I felt like I was going mad half the time, and I had to fight like hell with these demons I had in my head, it was a living hell. Putting this part of my life into a song has been therapeutic though and definitely a positive outlet for those emotions.
Help Myself
During my time of leaving everything behind me, I did hit a wall, and I did relapse, and I absolutely hated myself for it. It was a short time but I’ve never felt disappointed in myself, and I let all the emotions pull me back down. I was too afraid to tell anyone. I was afraid that they’d be just as disappointed in me and they’d leave me behind (they wouldn’t, this thought derived from fear). The lyrics where I say, “Eye’s open wide open, mind set in stone” is about me saying I know what I’m doing, but maybe I can’t be any other way? I knew what I was doing at the time, and it was ‘White Lies’ all over again. But I was stronger that time and more aware, and you hear that towards the end of the song where I say “I can change, I can save myself again,” and that is was I did.
Solace
Addiction and anxiety haven’t just affected me but it also has affected loved ones around me, and it was me learning from my mistakes and passing on the knowledge I have learnt to them. Like myself, they had put four walls around their beautiful mind and got themselves into a rut, and I wanted to just put my hand into their mind and yank them back out! I prayed for better days for them and better health. Explored different aspects of our lives and reminding them to not listen to the negative voice in their head because it was lying to them, it’s absolutely fine to cry and to face those emotions. Just let them out, don’t let them hold you down anymore. This is your life; it’s short, make the most of it.
New Waves
You’ll notice on the cover of the EP, a snake wrapped around the woman. The snake is a great representation of what ‘New Waves’ is about. Snakes shed their skin as they grow and in a metaphorical sense, so have I. It’s a transitional period, and I have let go of the old and welcomed the new, we as a band have worked so hard to get where we are right now and progressed so much as a group and as individuals. It’s important to us that we recognise and remember our journeys because it has taught us so much. We have been given another chance to start fresh, let go of those prodigal old ways and ride new waves!
Dream State’s new EP ‘Recovery’ is out now.
